Polarizing Conversations, Humanity’s Nemesis
Polarization profoundly impacts humanity by entrenching divisions and fostering an environment where mutual understanding and cooperation become increasingly difficult. It exacerbates conflicts by emphasizing differences rather than commonalities, leading to social fragmentation and the breakdown of communal bonds. In families, polarization can cause estrangement and tension, while in workplaces, it undermines collaboration and productivity. Within organizations and cultures, polarization can erode trust, impair decision-making, and create dysfunction, ultimately stalling progress and innovation. On a broader scale, polarized societies struggle to address collective challenges effectively, as partisan gridlock and resistance to compromise impede the development of inclusive and sustainable solutions. This erosion of social cohesion and collaborative spirit hinders humanity's ability to address pressing global issues, from climate change to social justice, ultimately threatening the well-being and advancement of societies worldwide.
Enter Stage Right: Real Dialogue.
Real Dialogue—a movement to counteract stereotyping, racism, bias, polarization, and dehumanization—is a method of co-facilitated conversation outside the therapy room with the aim of seeing, hearing, and feeling another as a human being with respect. As we gain greater understanding of our human counterparts, we can gain greater respect for our differences.
Real Dialogue refers to a structured method of communication designed to address difficult conversations effectively. It integrates techniques from mindfulness, psychodrama, and psychoanalysis to foster open, honest, and empathic communication. Real Dialogue aims to create a safe space for participants to explore and discuss conflicts, misunderstandings, and challenging topics.
As the founder of Real Dialogue, Polly Young-Eisendrath, PhD, explains:
projection of one’s ‘enemy’ into the other person is the first step on the path to objectifying that person. Further, conscious or unconscious feelings of being morally superior as a ‘victim’ may color our perceptions with disgust and lead us to perceive that other person as ‘toxic’ — a thing to be avoided or vanquished. When projective identifications are infused with disgust and moral superiority, they dehumanize others and become deeply disturbing. [1]
Projective identification is a psychological concept originally developed in psychoanalytic theory by Melanie Klein. [2] It describes a process in which an individual projects unwanted aspects of themselves, such as feelings, thoughts, or traits, onto another person. This projection is not just a simple displacement but also involves the other person unconsciously identifying with and internalizing these projected aspects. This process can affect both the projector and the recipient, often leading to complex and sometimes dysfunctional interpersonal dynamics.
Through advanced training, individuals learn to facilitate these conversations either on their own or with a co-facilitator, ensuring productive and meaningful dialogue. The Center for Real Dialogue trains and certifies Real Dialogue specialists who are highly qualified to facilitate humans working on a conflict through the three skills:
Speak for Yourself
Listening Mindfully
Remaining Curious
These three skills reduce feelings of apprehension and defensiveness, encourage subjectivity and a reduction in emotionally-laden projective identification, and promote respect, differentiation, and honesty.
The Impacts of Polarization.
Polarization can significantly contribute to conflict in families, businesses, organizations, and cultures by deepening divisions and creating an environment where constructive dialogue becomes challenging.
Families.
Breakdown in Communication: Polarization can lead to a lack of understanding and empathy among family members, making it difficult to have open and honest conversations.
Increased Tension and Stress: Differing strong opinions can cause persistent tension and stress, affecting relationships and overall family dynamics.
Alienation and Estrangement: Family members may feel alienated or choose to distance themselves from others who hold opposing views, leading to estrangement.
Businesses & Teams.
Decreased Collaboration: Polarized views among employees can hinder teamwork and collaboration, as individuals may be less willing to work with those they disagree with.
Reduced Productivity: Conflict stemming from polarization can distract employees from their tasks, lowering overall productivity.
Toxic Work Environment: Persistent conflicts and divisions can create a hostile work environment, affecting employee morale and retention.
Organizations.
Impaired Decision-Making: Polarization can lead to gridlock in decision-making processes, as opposing sides find it difficult to reach a consensus.
Erosion of Trust: Polarized environments can erode trust between members, making it hard to build cohesive teams and achieve common goals.
Organizational Dysfunction: Persistent conflicts can result in a dysfunctional organization where energy is spent on internal strife rather than on fulfilling the organization’s mission.
Cultures.
Social Fragmentation: Polarization can fragment societies into opposing groups, reducing social cohesion and increasing the likelihood of conflict.
Escalation of Conflicts: Polarized societies are more prone to escalations in conflict, as differences are emphasized and compromise becomes harder to achieve.
Undermining Democratic Processes: In cultures with democratic systems, polarization can undermine democratic processes by creating an environment where compromise is seen as a weakness and partisan gridlock becomes common.
In all these areas, polarization can prevent effective communication and cooperation, making it challenging to resolve conflicts and achieve harmonious relationships and environments.
Learning & Engaging in Real Dialogue.
Real Dialogue sessions are often beneficial for others in the setting to observe, as it allows the entire community, family, or team to see, hear, and understand both sides of the conflict. When working as consultants, Real Dialogue specialists create a formal structure for these sessions, which typically last 1.5 to 2 hours and may continue for three to four meetings.
Real Dialogue consultations are comprised of up to five activities:
An Evaluation (opening talk, empathy interview, possibly Relational History)
Six Questions
Working on a Conflict (Coaching, Facilitating, Doubling/Alter-Ego, Unblocking, and Reflections)
Wrap-Up
Role Reversal
One of the strengths of Real Dialogue is that it aims only for differentiation and Witnessing, but not for compromise or solutions … all the same, changes might happen as RD clears up the confusions, projections, and misapprehensions between the dialogue partners. ~ Polly Young-Eisendrath, PhD
Understanding and addressing projective identification is crucial to reducing polarization across the globe. By exploring these unconscious projections, Real Dialogue specialists can help individuals gain insight into their own internal conflicts and the ways in which they influence their relationships. This awareness allows people to disentangle themselves from the projections of others, fostering healthier interpersonal dynamics and reducing emotional distress. Ultimately, recognizing and working through projective identification can lead to more authentic and constructive interactions, both in therapy and in everyday relationships.
Notes
[1] Klein, M. (1946). Notes on some schizoid mechanisms. The International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 27, 99–110.
[2]Pieniadz, Jean & Young-Eisendrath, Polly. (2021). Dialogue Therapy for Couples and Real Dialogue for Opposing Sides: Methods Based on Psychoanalysis and Mindfulness. 10.4324/9781003200840.
Break the Polarizing Cycle
Contact me to learn more about how I can help you and your teams, families, communities break through polarization through Real Dialogue.
Certified Dialogue Therapist & Real Dialogue Specialist
Lisa A. Rainwater, PhD, MA (couns), LCMHC, CCMHC, CCTP, CT is the owner of Rainwater Counseling in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where she provides depth psychotherapy and relational attachment and grief counseling to individuals and couples. She earned a master’s in German Studies from the University of Oregon; a master’s in Counseling from Wake Forest University; and a doctorate in German and Scandinavian Studies from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Lisa is a Certified Thanatologist through the Association of Death Education and Counseling and is seeking certification in Grief Therapy as Meaning Reconstruction at the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition. She is a Certified Dialogue Therapist for Couples and Real Dialogue Specialist. Lisa holds certification in Jungian and Post-Jungian Clinical Concepts from the Centre of Applied Jungian Studies.
She is licensed to practice psychotherapy in North Carolina and Colorado.
As a Real Dialogue Specialist, she consults across the country.
