Buffalo seasons Awareness in life
How Are My defenses Impacting My Relationships?
Defense mechanisms can significantly impact relationships, often in ways that are subtle yet profound. Because they operate unconsciously, individuals may not realize how their defensive behaviors are affecting their interactions with others, leading to misunderstandings, conflict, and emotional distance. Recognizing and addressing defense mechanisms in a relationship requires self-awareness and open communication. Partners or family members can work together to identify when these defenses are at play and gently encourage more honest, direct engagement with emotions and issues. Therapeutic support, such as couples counseling or individual therapy, can also be helpful in uncovering and working through these unconscious defenses, allowing for healthier, more authentic interactions.
Why Am I Feeling Prickly? Understanding Defense Mechanisms
Defensive reactions from the unconscious are automatic, often involuntary responses that arise to protect us from perceived threats, discomfort, or emotional pain. These defenses are deeply ingrained in our psyche, typically developing early in life as a way to cope with difficult emotions or situations. Because they operate below the level of conscious awareness, we often don't realize we're engaging in them, even though they can significantly influence our behavior and interactions.
Bridges & Boundaries: Relational Wellbeing
Relationships spread across family (parents, siblings, spouses/partners, children, grandparents, etc.); work (co-workers, bosses, supervisors, contractors, consultants, clients, patients, etc.); friends (school, college, sports, arts, etc.); and community (neighborhoods, spiritual / religious, collectives, groups, volunteerism, etc.).
In our post-modern 21st century world—comprised of social media influencers, online gaming, work-from-home opportunities, live coverage of wars being waged, artificial intelligence, and fallout from the global coronavirus pandemic, to name but a few—humanity’s relational wellness has been threatened.
And the threats are real.
Social Connectivity: How to Halt An Epidemic of Loneliness & Isolation
Social connectivity can be understood through relationships spread across family (parents, siblings, spouses/partners, children, grandparents, etc.); work (co-workers, bosses, supervisors, contractors, consultants, clients, patients, etc.); friends (school, college, sports, arts, etc.); and community (neighborhoods, spiritual / religious, collectives, groups, volunteerism, etc.). Researchers found that social connectivity can decrease the risk of developing and worsening major physical and mental health problems, including heart disease, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, dementia, and diabetes.
Resilience …That Which Does Not Kill Us
Nietzsche spoke to me on that lava field as if he were my Zarathustra: “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Indeed, I thought. Indeed. Decades later, I still rely on Western and Eastern philosophical writings to guide me in life and in my work with clients. Translating Nietzsche’s existential inquiry into therapeutic parlance leads me to a psychological concept gobbled up by 21st Century pop culture: Resilience.
What Nietzsche noted in the late 1800s is today described as one’s ability to rebound from life challenges through flexibility and adaptability. One’s resilience is supported by five pillars: self-awareness, engagement in self-care, the practice of mindfulness, supportive relationships, and living a life with purpose and meaning. During stressful times, any or all of these pillars may weaken, become unstable, or crumble. As one sustains the impacts of adversity, each can help buoy one through the storm.
Feedback Loops 101: understanding Attachment
In this blog series, I offer insight into how we learn to relationally dance, focusing on how positive and negative strokes lead to positive and negative feedback loops. No matter your current attachment style, the good news is that like a bad dance move (think Elaine, Seinfeld), you can retrace your steps and learn a better way of dancing with the people in your life.