Resilience …That Which Does Not Kill Us

Lava Sapling in Deschutes National Forest © Peter Kim

In the mid-1990s, I was a graduate student at the University of Oregon studying German and Scandinavian culture, philosophy, and languages. Far from my mid-western home, I felt like a Duck out of water, but a Duck with wings. On weekends, the stunning landscapes of the Pacific Northwest beckoned me: mountains, rain forests, coastlines, seaside villages, and volcanoes. In between seminars and teaching, fellow grad students and I would pile into someone’s four-door sedan and embark upon a journey of discovery. We often drove up and down Hwy 101, spying the craggy, jaw-dropping coastline from our windows, hiking mossy trails, and smelling sea lions in shore caves. (They smell like wet dogs.)

One weekend we trekked to Mt. Rainier and another to Mt. St. Helen. As stunning and life-affirming as the next, one of the trips that impacted me the most was a visit to the Deschutes National Forest, where I walked across rugged, lava fields. I still remember the serrated crunch of my mountain boots as I stepped cautiously across the unfamiliar terrain: Imagine thick layers of charcoal formations gleaming under the pale spring sky for as a far as the eye can fathom. And then, out of nowhere—and I mean nowhere—a tiny tree sprouting from what appeared to be the depths of nothingness. I stood in wonder at how much effort it took for the seed to sprout, the wispy seedling to burst forth, the roots to find nourishment, and the sapling to reach light. Ever the German philosophy student (we all were), Nietzsche spoke to me on that lava field as if he were my Zarathustra:

That which does not kill us makes us stronger. (Twilight of the Idols, 1888)

Indeed, I thought. Indeed.

What is Resilience?

Decades later, I still rely on Western and Eastern philosophical writings to guide me in life and in my work with clients. Translating Nietzsche’s existential inquiry into therapeutic parlance leads me to a psychological concept gobbled up by 21st Century pop culture: Resilience.

What Nietzsche noted in the late 1800s is today described as one’s ability to rebound from life challenges through flexibility and adaptability. One’s resilience is supported by five pillars: self-awareness, engagement in self-care/self-cultivation, the practice of mindfulness, supportive relationships, and living life with purpose and meaning. During stressful times, any or all of these pillars may weaken, become unstable, or crumble. As one sustains the impacts of adversity, each can help buoy through the storm.

The Five Pillars of Resilience

Self-Awareness

Recognize your emotions, thoughts, physical sensations, relations to others, connection to your environment, and strengths and weaknesses.

Self-awareness is deeply connected to your sense of security (attachments), sense of efficacy (empowerment), and sense of self-worth (mattering). Each layer of your unconscious and conscious states holds its own realities and allows for the recognition of the divine of humanity—opening the door to self-awareness and inner peace. Seeking to understand the human experience across the lifespan, invites opportunities for forgiveness, self-discovery, and growth.

Self-Care / Self-Cultivation

Engaging in activities that enhance your well-being in connection to self, world, body, and mind, heart in eight interdependent areas of life: Emotional, Physical, Spiritual, Social, Environmental, Intellectual, Financial, and Vocational.

In Western culture, these eight areas represent aspects of human existence. Their interdependent nature can be understood visually in the Wheel of Wellbeing. In Chinese medicine, mandalas “represent a microcosm of the macrocosm: the square is nature or the universe, the circles are your experiences, and the center is yourself.” [1] Mimi Kuo-Deemer, teacher of yoga, qigong, and meditation, explores the mandal of xiu yang in her book, Xiu Yang. The Ancient Chinese Art of Self-Cultivation for a Healthier, Happier, More Balanced Life. Xiu yang is the ancient Chinese art of self-cultivation.

Mimi Kuo-Deemer (2019)

Jung viewed the mandala as representing the collective unconscious. In later articles, I will explore how self-cultivation (xiu yang) is a path toward inner balance and outer radiance, wherein wholeness is comprised of the integration of your conscious and unconscious.

Mindfulness

Focusing on the here and now, purposefully and with intention—leaving all judgment aside in the spirit of greater self-knowledge and understanding. 

Mindfulness is the act of becoming aware of the present moment. Renowned University of Massachusetts Medical Center researcher and professor Jon Kabat-Zinn found that mindfulness can reduce worries about the future, decrease distress, reduce chronic pain, and improve sleep hygiene, among many other improvements in physical and psychological symptoms. Mindfulness practices include engaging the five senses, gratitude, breathing exercises, qiqong, yoga, chanting, guided imagery, and much more.

Supportive Relationships

Seeking out and maintaining healthy and supportive relationships that give as much as take, take as much as they give, and accept you for who you are now, who you were in the past, and what you will become in the future.

Relationships are based on feelings of mutuality, trust, and security. These feelings provide blueprints for how we love, negotiate, compromise, and problem-solve. Like a dance, they guide you on how you respond to another’s moves. How you dance harkens back to early attachment relationships with primary caregivers—relational strokes and feedback loops can be positive and negative. How you connect as an adult with family, friends, co-workers, and partners can be traced to these early attachments. The ability to maintain healthy and supportive relationships increases as one gains a greater sense of self through self-cultivation.

Meaning & Purpose

Living life reflective of your values and beliefs while connecting with the universe and humanity in ways far greater than your own presence.

Dr. Viktor Frankl, a Viennese psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, is known as the father of logotherapy (Greek for healing through meaning). The origins of his psychotherapeutic work can be found in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning. It is part memoir of his time spent in Nazi concentration camps and part treatise on how to find purpose and meaning in life under even the most treacherous of circumstances. For Frankl, we find meaning through 1) Creations (by creating a work or accomplishing a task); 2) Experiences (experiencing something fully, e.g., nature, or loving someone); and 3) Attitudes (how we view and approach unavoidable human suffering).

Influenced by Nietzsche’s philosophical writings, Frankl wrote:

Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.

Indeed.

Notes

[1] Kuo-Deemer, M. (2019). The Ancient Chinese Art of Self-Cultivation for a Healthier, Happier, More Balanced Life. New York, Xia Press. p. 22-23.

What has made you stronger?

I invite you to deepen your understanding of where you’ve been and where you are going with intention and authenticity.

I’d love to hear from you!

Lisa A. Rainwater, PhD, MA (couns), LCMHC, CCMHC, CGP, CT is the owner of Rainwater Counseling in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where she provides depth psychotherapy and relational attachment and grief counseling to individuals and couples. She earned a master’s in German Studies from the University of Oregon; a master’s in Counseling from Wake Forest University; and a doctorate in German and Scandinavian Studies from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Lisa is a Certified Thanatologist through the Association of Death Education and Counseling and is seeking certification in Grief Therapy as Meaning Reconstruction at the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition. She has training in Young-Eisendorf’s Dialogue Therapy for Couples and has been accepted into the intensive certification program at the Institute for Dialogue Therapy. Lisa is currently enrolled in a year-long program entitled, Jungian and Post-Jungian Clinical Concepts, at the Centre of Applied Jungian Studies.

She is licensed to practice in North Carolina and Colorado.