When we think about childhood wounds, we often picture raised voices, harsh discipline, or neglect. But some of the most enduring wounds are inflicted not through what is said or done—but through silence. When a parent freezes a child out emotionally or silences their voice, the damage can echo for decades, shaping how that child sees themselves, others, and the world.

These wounds don't simply vanish with age—they resurface in adulthood, often in our struggles with intimacy, trust, creativity, or self-worth. Working with a depth psychotherapist can be a powerful way to explore these inner child wounds. In a safe, consistent relationship, we can begin to untangle the past from the present, giving language and form to the parts of us that were silenced long ago. This inner work helps us not only relate more authentically to others but also reestablish a compassionate, grounded relationship with the Self.

What Does It Mean to "Freeze" or "Silence" a Child?

To “freeze” a child is to emotionally shut them out. This can take the form of withdrawing affection, avoiding eye contact, or giving the “silent treatment.” To silence a child is to dismiss their thoughts, feelings, or self-expression—whether through shaming, interrupting, ignoring, or even ridiculing their attempts to speak.

Both behaviors send the same painful message: You don’t matter. Your needs are too much. Your voice is unwelcome here.

The Early Lessons of Silence.

Children are meaning-makers. When a parent withdraws emotionally or silences a child’s voice, the child rarely blames the parent. Instead, they internalize the behavior and make sense of it the only way they can:

“If I’m being ignored, I must be unlovable.”
“If my feelings make mom upset, I must be too much.”
“If no one listens, what I say must not matter.”

This self-narrative becomes a template—one that quietly informs how the child will relate to themselves and others for years to come.

The EMOTIONAL & Physical Impacts.

The silent treatment may seem like a passive response to conflict, but research reveals it can be physiologically and psychologically damaging. Dr. Gail Saltz, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital, notes that parental silencing functions as a form of punishment, often triggering anxiety, fear, self-doubt, self-blame, and emotional dysregulation (Dunn, 2025). Dr. James Wirth, associate professor of psychology at Ohio State University at Newark, emphasizes that the ambiguity of unresolved silence makes it particularly harmful, describing it as “really lethal” when no clear time is given for reconnection (Dunn, 2025).

Most strikingly, Dr. Kip Williams, professor of psychological sciences at Purdue University, found that being ignored activates the same brain regions associated with physical pain—suggesting that emotional ostracism is not just metaphorically painful, but neurologically processed as real pain (Brooks, 2024).

The effects of emotional freezing or silencing are deep and pervasive:

1. Difficulty Trusting Their Own Voice.

Adults who were silenced as children often struggle to express opinions, set boundaries, or speak up in relationships or at work. Their internal voice—their sense of knowing—is stifled by a deep fear of being rejected or punished for speaking.

2. Chronic People-Pleasing.

To avoid being shut out again, many become experts at reading the room, morphing into who others want them to be. They may constantly scan for signs of disapproval, afraid that authenticity will cost them connection.

3. Shame and Emotional Repression.

If a child is told—either directly or indirectly—that their feelings are inconvenient or wrong, they learn to hide them. As adults, they may feel disconnected from their own emotional life, struggling to cry, ask for help, or identify what they even feel.

4. Fear of Abandonment.

Being frozen out by a caregiver creates an anxious attachment to love and approval. The silence becomes a form of abandonment, and the fear of being "cut off" again can lead to anxious, clingy, or avoidant behaviors in adult relationships.

How Depth Psychotherapy Can Help.

Depth psychotherapy—rooted in the exploration of the unconscious—offers a powerful pathway to healing childhood wounds. Rather than focusing solely on symptoms or surface behaviors, it gently guides individuals into the deeper narratives, unmet needs, and protective patterns formed in early relationships. Through a safe and consistent therapeutic relationship, the silenced child within is invited to speak. The therapist becomes a witness to the pain that was once dismissed, helping the adult client make sense of their story, feel their long-buried emotions, and begin to trust their inner voice again. Over time, the frozen parts of the psyche begin to thaw—not through force—but through compassionate attention and the slow building of inner safety.

Research has shown that psychodynamic therapy—especially long-term, relationally focused therapy—can lead to lasting improvements in psychological functioning and self-understanding (Shedler, 2010). Additionally, studies examining inner child-focused interventions have demonstrated effectiveness in reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression and in improving overall well-being (Trivedi et al., 2015). Smith (2017) also emphasizes that inner child work, when integrated within a psychotherapeutic framework, provides a meaningful pathway to healing by giving voice to unmet emotional needs and reconnecting with the wounded aspects of the self.

Jungian depth psychotherapy, in particular, emphasizes the symbolic language of dreams, archetypes, and the shadow—the hidden parts of the self that were silenced or cast aside in childhood. This approach views symptoms as meaningful signals from the unconscious and helps individuals reconnect with their inner child, rediscover creativity, and restore the full range of their emotional life. Healing is not about becoming someone new, but about reclaiming who you were before silence told you otherwise.

Breaking the Cycle: A Depth-Oriented Path

Healing from emotional freezing and silencing is not about fixing yourself—it’s about remembering who you were before your voice was denied. In depth psychotherapy, this work unfolds slowly and symbolically, often in layers, as you begin to re-encounter the parts of you that went into hiding long ago.

Honor the wound as meaningful. Instead of minimizing what happened, depth work invites you to approach your pain with curiosity. Ask not just “What’s wrong with me?” but “What is this silence trying to say?” This shift opens space for compassion and self-inquiry rather than judgment.
Reclaim the exiled self. The child who was silenced still lives within you—creative, emotional, sensitive, full of longing. Through imagination, dreams, and inner dialogue, you can begin to reconnect with this inner figure and offer them the love and protection they never received.
Work with dreams and symbols. Jungian therapy, in particular, sees dreams as messages from the unconscious—often carrying the voice of the silenced child or symbolic representations of repressed emotions. By tending to these images, you awaken deeper understanding and healing.
Allow the psyche to thaw at its own pace. There is no rush in this kind of healing. Silence takes time to unlearn. Trust that the small moments—feeling an emotion, speaking a truth aloud, holding yourself through discomfort—are signs of profound movement.
Cultivate inner listening. Depth work teaches you to become the parent you needed: one who listens deeply, sits with discomfort, and welcomes the full range of your experience without trying to fix or silence it. Over time, this inner witness becomes your source of grounding and renewal.

A Final Word.

Every child deserves to be seen, heard, and held. If you were frozen out or silenced, know this: Your voice is still inside you, waiting to be reclaimed. It may be soft now, but with care, it can become strong and steady.

And if you’re a parent reading this—know that it’s never too late to listen more, to say, “I hear you,” and to make space for the messy, beautiful truth of your child’s full self.

Because silence should never be the loudest thing a child remembers.

Notes.

Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An FMRI study of social exclusion. Science (New York, N.Y.), 302(5643), 290–292. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1089134
Shedler, J. (2010). The efficacy of psychodynamic psychotherapy. American Psychologist, 65(2), 98–109. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0018378
Trivedi, G. R., et al. (2015). Effectiveness of “healing the child within” techniques for well-being, anxiety, and depression. Journal of Regression Therapy, 24(1), 1–10.
Smith, J. (2017). Working with the Inner Child. In J. Smith, Psychotherapy (pp. 141–151). Springer International Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-49460-9_12
Brooks, A. C. (2024, March 21). Whatever you do, don’t do the silent treatment: It can ruin your relationships The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/03/silent-treatment-ostracism-pain-relationships/677746/
Dunn, J. (2025, April 4). The silent treatment could ruin your relationship. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2025/04/04/well/silent-treatment-ruin-relationship.html

**Are you ready?**

Taking a step toward meeting your Inner Child can be scary. Being scared together allows you—the adult—to find your voice together in a safe therapeutic holding space.
Contact Lisa today to learn more about how you can reclaim your Inner Child.

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Into the Depths: Healing the Silenced Child Within.