The Impact of Cancer on Personal relationships

The author and her Moo Moo, 1971

"Well-being cannot exist just in your own head. Well-being is a combination of feeling good as well as actually having meaning, good relationships and accomplishment."​​ 

~ Martin Seligman, PhD

When I was 15 years old, entering high school, my maternal grandfather, aka Moo Moo, died of lung cancer, which had metastasized to his brain. He and my grandmother lived down the country road from our home, and I would visit him after school and on the weekends. My jovial, witty, insightful grandfather disappeared in front of my adolescent eyes, as his body was ravaged by the crude cancer treatments of the mid-1980s. I remember then being struck by the fine and fuzzy hair, almost like wispy cotton candy, that started to grow back after his chemotherapy. At times he seemed ghost-like to me, and I found myself fearful of what his physical transformation meant to my grandfather’s destiny.

Treatments and prognoses have come a long way since then, and some forms of metastatic disease are curable. I often wish that he would have been able to live this long to see such amazing advancements in medicine. He was in his mid-50s—my age now. I still have the quiet moments I spent with him in his bedroom, the bed facing the rugged lawn and all its rural wonder; but I also have memories of better times with him fishing on the LaCrosse River, eating hot ham and cheese sandwiches at Hardees, and trying to make cream turn into butter by shaking the half and half capsules at the local diner (his idea and prompting). And not to forget naming him “Moo Moo:” as the eldest grandchild, I started calling him that after he read me a children’s book on animal sounds. His moo was possibly better than the dairy cattle inhabiting my Wisconsin community. He was Moo Moo to five future grandchildren.

As a family, we grieved his early death with little understanding of what we, as a family, had gone through emotionally, psychologically, relationally, and spiritually. In his wake, we struggled to make sense of life and of death.

Many decades later, as a psychosocial oncology and grief counselor, I provide support to patients, caregivers, and families quite like my own way back when. I have worked with over 500 clients and their families who face cancer every day—many of whom are suffering from lung cancer with metastatic disease—and I am honored to work in his memory and to help people face the emotional, psychological, relational, and spiritual challenges that occur along the way.

Recently, I gave a presentation to the monthly national group gathering of LiveLung.org, a non-profit founded in March 2010, whose mission has been advancing lung cancer education, early detection, and compassion for people impacted by lung cancer. LiveLung was founded by Dusty Donaldson, who was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2005, at the age of 51. She underwent surgery to remove two lobes from her right lung, followed by adjuvant chemotherapy. She completed treatment within six months of her diagnosis and has been out of treatment since March 2006.

You can view my presentation on Youtube here.

My talk focuses on a variety of relational issues people and their loves ones experience on a cancer journey, including existential psychotherapist Irvin Yalom’s four existential concerns—freedom, isolation, meaninglessness, and death anxiety (to be explored in future bog posts), followed by a discussion on how to navigate relationships with emotional intention while going through cancer treatment and survivorship.

I am grateful for being given the opportunity to help cancer survivors and their loved ones on their journey as a psychosocial oncology counselor.

If you or someone you know is living with cancer, there are so many opportunities for support and counseling. In the Triad, Cancer Services is a community of caring for people facing cancer and has served cancer patients in the community for 65 years. they offer financial assistance, physical and appearance assistance, social and emotional support, and wonderful supportive programming. Julie Lanford, MPH, RD, CSO, LDN provide nutrition counseling and hosts a podcast. Additionally, you can check with your local oncologist, who can connect you with supportive cancer services at your hospital or in the community.

UPDATE, August 2024

Or, drop me a line on my contact me page. I am now offering psychosocial oncology counseling to patients and their caregivers in my private practice.