Peering Outside Your Snow Globe, Mindfully

Couples TherapyDialogue Therapy for CouplesReal Dialogue ConsultationDepth PsychotherapyRelationships

Aug 4

Imagine looking at the holiday snow globe differently …

Imagine that we each exist within our own personal “snow globe,” where our perceptions, experiences, and emotions shape the way we see and interact with the world. The snow globe represents our individual reality—crafted by our beliefs, memories, biases, and emotions. This crafting begins in infancy and spills into early childhood. Our subjective reality bends, grows, and adapts to our interactions with early caregivers and other significant human figures in our circle. This subjective lens influences how we interpret what we see, feel, and hear as adults, often making it difficult to truly understand perspectives outside of our own.

The Activation of the Snow Globe.

When triggered by certain experiences or interactions, our snow globe can be "shaken," causing a blizzard of emotions and defenses to swirl around us. This metaphorical blizzard can cloud our vision, distort our perceptions, and make it hard to see beyond our immediate reactions.

Emotional Storm: The blizzard represents the intense emotions that can arise in response to situations—anger, fear, anxiety, or even joy. These emotions can dominate our thoughts, making it hard to engage in clear, rational thinking.
Defensive Reactions: The swirling snow also symbolizes the defenses we put up when we feel threatened or misunderstood. Just as the snow in a globe obscures the scene inside, our defenses can obscure our true feelings, prevent us from listening to others, and create barriers to meaningful communication.

The Challenge of Real Dialogue.

Real Dialogue requires us to recognize when our snow globe is being shaken and to work through the blizzard of emotions and defenses. This means:

Awareness: Becoming aware of our own snow globe—acknowledging our subjective reality and understanding how it influences our interactions.
Self-Reflection: Taking the time to reflect on our emotions and defenses—questioning whether they are helping or hindering our ability to communicate and connect with others.
Empathy: Recognizing that others are also living within their own snow globes, with their own swirling emotions and defenses. This understanding fosters empathy and patience, as we realize that others may be experiencing their own storms.

Breaking Through the Blizzard.

To move beyond the limitations of our snow globe, especially when it's swirling with emotions, we must:

Pause and Breathe: In the midst of an emotional blizzard, pausing and taking a moment to breathe can help us regain clarity and perspective.
When I work with individuals and couples, I will teach them the 336x3 breathing method: Inhale for 3 counts; Hold for 3 counts; Exhale for 3 counts; Repeat 3x.
Seek Understanding: Instead of reacting defensively, we can strive to understand the underlying causes of our emotions and those of others. This helps in calming the storm, remaining curious, and opening up space for Real Dialogue.
Practice Vulnerability: Being vulnerable means acknowledging our emotions and defenses openly, allowing others to see us as we are. This can be challenging, but it is essential for breaking down barriers and fostering genuine connection.

The Art of Real Dialogue.

Living in our own snow globes invites us to get lost in our personal storms, but Real Dialogue is about finding ways to break through those storms and connect with others. It requires a willingness to see beyond our subjective lens, to calm our emotional blizzards, and to engage with others in a way that is open, empathetic, and transformative. Only then can we move from isolated snow globes to shared experiences, where real understanding, mindfulness, curiosity, and connection can flourish.